


so it goes

by johhnysuh



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-26 19:55:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19775293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johhnysuh/pseuds/johhnysuh
Summary: “it’s so sad to see a friendship like ours just crumble away like it did,” renjun says, heart aching in his chest, much like it had been for the past however long it’s been since everything happened.





	so it goes

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoy this!   
> tumblr- babyboyhyuck  
> twitter- @johhnysuh

“it’s so sad to see a friendship like ours just crumble away like it did,” renjun says, heart aching in his chest, much like it had been for the past however long it’s been since everything happened.

(7 months, but it feels simultaneously like it was just yesterday and like it’s been years.) 

“because i genuinely still love all of them but it’s almost like we’ve been through so much together,” he pauses, the past 7 months weighing on his chest more and more as he speaks, “that--that it’s hard to know where to start with putting back together the remaining pieces.” 

what he doesn’t say is how it almost seems hopeless. hopeless to even try, to even _think_ about trying to put back the remaining pieces without him, almost as though he was the glue. 

and maybe he was. maybe he was the one who was holding them together as a friend group all along, 

but renjun doesn’t let himself get too far with that thought, he never does, because he knows that it isn’t true. their friendship was real, not some flimsy thing, needing to be held together. 

they loved and still love each other, they truly do, but sometimes things get in the way of that. 

things like having to sit in front of a headstone every time you wanna talk to your best friend. 

things like watching your other friends go through the grieving process while you do the same, not really being able to do anything because god knows you’re as fucking heartbroken as the rest of them.

things like drifting apart, life still happening despite the hurt and next thing you know, you haven’t talked to your other friends in months, no matter how desperately you want to.

no matter how desperately you want to hit them up, ask how they’re doing, talk about what happened.

or don’t talk about what happened. completely avoid the subject. or just get so caught up in talking about other life stuff that you forget to mention your best friend who died 7 months ago, taking a piece of you with him. 

“it’s so weird how people just have to keep going through life,” renjun starts on a rant that’s ever-present in his life, “how life keeps going, and no matter what happens to us, or who we lose, we’re expected to keep living, no matter how many times the pressure on our chest is so heavy that we can’t breathe for a second.”

“sometimes i don't understand how older adults deal with it but you just deal with it, you learn how to live with it,” renjun says, questioning if he really had ‘learned to deal with it.’ 

“you wake up every morning, rain or shine, whether the pain is at full force or just a dull buzzing at the back of your head, and you live,” renjun says, thinking there no need to mention the days where he didn’t live, where he laid in bed all day, paralyzed by the intensity of his own pain. 

“and it’s so fucking unfair, but everyone has to deal with it, because it only keeps happening and you have to keep living,” renjun says, pausing to take a deep, shaky breath. 

sometimes he uses these talks to convince himself. because, sometimes, he needs convincing that he actually does have to keep living, that he has to keep getting up every day, rather than rotting away in bed. 

because it’s almost like he lost three people when he lost donghyuck, rather than just one.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! <3


End file.
